Why I Put Up With The Fact That I Haven’t Seen My Boyfriend In Over Two Months: February 5, 2008

Josh: hey
Jessie: yeah?
Josh: I have a secret, u wanna here it?
Josh: course you do
Jessie: sure
Josh: I can fly
Slightly later…
Josh: oy, I really am going to bed
Josh: but!
Jessie: what?
Josh: I really can fly…

He’s the best. I know, that’s such a nerdy reason for him to be termed the best, but he told me all about these cool places he’s been to (the center of the earth, etc.) and it was really cool.

A strange kind of hopelessness… February 3, 2008

I’ve completely given up on the idea of the boyfriend doing anything spectacular at all for Valentine’s Day.  It’s just not going to happen…I’ve accepted that by now.  Ah well, things like that happen.  I figure, “This isn’t typical by any means…why should I ask him to do a typical thing?”  Ideally, he would do something on some completely random day to make up for missing my birthday, but I highly doubt this will happen either.So after Jacob, I was pretty spoiled; after Josh, I’ll be devoid of all expectations.  If, indeed, there is an after Josh.  I’m SO glad he doesn’t actually read this (although, he does have the link) because he would completely flip out!However!!!!  I have been given permission  to plan stuff for him for valentine’s day.  So, being the highly unique and creative person that I am, I have come up with a two-part plan:1. Give him a snake valentine.  Haha this doesn’t make sense, you’ll just have to see it to believe it.So. There happens to be an amazing store that sells every stuffed animal imaginable. I’m going to buy a snake that looks like the one in the picture, arrange it like that, put the picture in with it, and send the whole thing off to him in the box.2. I’m going to buy him a domain name for his website. Currently it’s 25set.netfirms.com but I’m going to buy him one so it’ll just be 25set.com. I don’t know if he’ll be excited or not. I hope so.Well that’s all I have at the moment! 

Argument February 1, 2008

I had an argument with my boyfriend last night.  It was one of those confusing, ridiculous arguments…you know, the kind where you have no idea what’s going on…here’s the major part of it.  

 Josh says: (12:38:06 AM)i’m being really laid back about things, but i guess that hurts ppl, so i’ll start doing things? hopefully? or something like that…| 

macilwen says: (12:38:59 AM)lol yeah it kinda shows a pretty extraordinarily large amount of cluelessness (in relationships at least)|

Josh says: (12:39:14 AM)RELATIONSHIP!!!!

Josh says: (12:39:17 AM)what!

Josh says: (12:39:25 AM)clueless

Josh says: (12:39:27 AM)…

macilwen says: (12:39:28 AM)what’d I do????????

Josh says: (12:39:44 AM)who cares what RELATIONSHIP is!

macilwen says: (12:40:09 AM)CONFUSION!!!!!!!! and redness of face!

Josh says: (12:40:21 AM)relationships, what is that?

Josh says: (12:40:24 AM)idk

Josh says: (12:40:27 AM)u don’t know

macilwen says: (12:40:35 AM)josh

Josh says: (12:40:39 AM)we make it up as we go along

 

I had gotten really annoyed at him for 1. “forgetting” to do anything for my 18th; 2. not taking the idea of valentine’s day seriously; and 3. disappearing at random moments.  (He’s disappeared right now actually, his MSN thing says he’s online but he’s apparently not there. Actually, now he’s offline completely…) I ended up kind of ranting…I’m not one to say what I really feel at people, especially when I think that it might upset them, which is why I haven’t bugged Josh more about stuff.  He took me by surprise by the above.  It was definitely really unlike him to explode like that…but I’m glad he did.   He later explained that he reacted so violently because what he expects of me is for me to be myself, and he thought that I wasn’t being myself when I said things like that.  He’s so weird and incomprehensible sometimes…but at the same time, he makes a ton of sense.  “we make it up as we go along” — I love that! So yes, that’s my life. 

Research paper January 22, 2008

So it’s that time….the time when I get to write a research paper.  I’m actually kinda excited — yes, I know, I’m ridiculous, but I am! — because I enjoy writing papers and I’m really super excited about my research subject…chaos theory.Here’s the proposal I sent to my teacher:

  Is it possible for math to have a theological impact?  Thanks to an obscure theory, the answer appears to be yes.  Chaos Theory describes a mathematical phenomenon that can best be described as “unpredictable predictability.”   It occurs in mathematical functions that seem to be random but, in reality, are deterministic.  Chaos Theory, a newly popular theory, has an extremely wide range of applications, including applications in climatology, psychology, chemistry, astronomy, economy, physics, biology, meteorology, and even theology.  So far, Chaos Theory has been applied only to Pantheism and the New Age Movement.  I would like to research the theological implications of Chaos Theory, especially as it relates to the different schools of Calvinism and Arminianism and their views of predestination.   

I’m really excited about this whole thing.  The hilarious thing about it is that my teacher was all like “hey I don’t want you to get all caught up in the New Age movement and all that…” Which, I mean, it’s nice of her to be concerned and all that, but I….there is seriously no way that that would happen.  I am about as reverse of New Age as they come.  Plus I learned loads about that kind of thing over the summer when I took a summer class on “God, Humanity, and Knowledge.”

 

In other news, I’ve heard back from Taylor’s admissions about going to Purdue.  They say it’s OK as long as I get some stuff signed and keep a 3.2 GPA in my college classes….shouldn’t be that bad.

 

That’s about it. 

Essay January 14, 2008

So I wrote an essay. I don’t like it, and I want to know how I can improve it. Please, if anyone ever reads this, please tell me what to do better on it!!!! I’m supposed to write about my goals and how I plan to achieve them. Fun.

Is it possible for an editor to change the world? Looking at the question superficially, the answer appears to be obviously “no.” Editors aren’t particularly famous, influential, or even visible to the general public — all things that are usually required to affect the world as a whole. Nevertheless, my goal is to become a world-changing editor.
Of course, a good education is necessary for editorial work. Therefore, my first step in achieving my goal is to attend Taylor University. I expect to be challenged academically at Taylor, perfecting my understanding of the English language so that I can be a more effective editor. However, I’ll be able to not only hone my editorial skills but also receive training in how to live different — living for Christ and His Kingdom rather than for this world and all its hypocrisy. To me this is the most important part of college. College isn’t just about academics and getting knowledge and all that kind of thing, although that is of course essential to one’s college experience. It’s also “boot camp,” so to speak, for the outside world. I believe that Taylor University not only has the academic excellence necessary for me to succeed as an editor, but also the lifestyle training necessary for me to become a person who can change the world.
However, I don’t believe that education is the only necessary experience for changing the world — or to be a good editor, for that matter. I therefore plan to spend a year in Romania after graduating from Taylor. This year in Romania will not only be enjoyable for me but will also be a way to serve others by stretching myself. I’m not entirely positive what kind of work I will be doing, but I know that it will take discipline and a complete servant attitude, which together will develop into an excellent work ethic. Just as Taylor will provide the education and the lifestyle, Romania will supply the real-world training, as I interact with people and enter situations that are completely outside my comfort zone – things I will indubitably experience as an editor. I expect to learn things in Romania that will help me in the rest of my life.
Finally, after attending Taylor University and serving in Romania, I will enter the editorial field. I plan to work for Zondervan, a Christian publisher, although I may yet decide to work at a major company such as Penguin & Putnam or HarperTrophy. By exhibiting excellence in both knowledge – the actual editing of books – and diligence – applying myself to whatever is put before me with all my heart, soul, mind and strength – I will be an example to not only my fellow editors but also my employers, my clients, and whoever else I happen to meet.
And changing the world? Not every world-changing person has been famous. In fact, some of the most influential people throughout history would have been considered nobodies in their own time. For me, changing the world means changing people, one at a time. Education, service, and editorial work are merely the steps by which I will meet my goal. As Paul says in his Epistle to the Philippians, “I press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Christian Schoolkid Inside Joke January 4, 2008

To prove his conservative credentials, Romney recently snagged the coveted endorsements of movement guru Paul Weyrich and evangelist leader Bob Jones III. All indications are that Romney is not being thrown over for Rudy Giuliani, who is leading in the national polls for the GOP nominations, or conservative insurgent Mike Huckabee.  (from somewhere on foxnews.com)

Most of you know, I’m sure, that Romney is a Mormon.  However, what some of you may not know is that Bob Jones III is a die-hard Southern Baptist who is in charge of Bob Jones University.  Bob Jones University is notorious in Christian high schools (at least some of them, anyways) for being ridiculously strict as well as rigidly Baptist.  

 

My question is this:  what on earth is Bob Jones doing supporting a Mormon?  It’s hilarious!

 

And, like I said, nobody’s going to get this.

 

In other news, I’m excited that Huckabee managed to get Iowa.  I’m excited about his prospects, and hopeful that he might be able to win the Presidency, perhaps?  Although his win in Iowa is rather shocking, as I’d expected people to be tired of conservatism (?) under Bush.  (I’m actually a huge supporter of Bush as well, although — like everyone else on this planet — he makes mistakes.)  I’m also ecstatic that Hillary got third in the Democrat polls.  I don’t favor any of her stances on issues, and think that most of them would be bad for the country. 

Problem with Computers… December 26, 2007

Well, I just bought a MacBook and I’m looking for a Photoshop-level program that would allow me to do design-y stuff.  However, my Mac happens to be an Intel Mac, and according to the Adobe website, Elements for Mac only works on PowerPC Macs…this is a problem.  And when they do end up coming out with a Photoshop Elements program that would work on my computer, it’s going to be far too expensive.  I mean, I’m an unemployed high school student…I seriously am going to need some image editor or other, I’m majoring in Visual Arts-New Media (computer graphics), and computer graphics are hard without an image program.   I actually called Adobe today to see if they have an Elements program that will work on Intel Macs, and got told yes (which is contrary to both what their website says and what the salesperson told me last time I called, but whatever), so I asked if there was possibly any previous version I could buy and they were all like “No, there’s no way you can do that, ma’am.”  It was unbelievably frustrating.   Grr. Software companies. 

Impressed December 24, 2007

Well, it’s Christmas Eve, and I definitely need to write in this more.  But right now, I don’t have time.  I just want to communicate how impressed I am with my boyfriend at the moment.  For Christmas, he sponsored two Bible verses in my honor to be translated for the Ache people of Paraguay, who don’t have the Bible in their language.  Here’s where you can see the verses sponsored by him — they’re the two at the very bottom.  I am so impressed with him right now.  The verses are Romans 5:1-2:

 Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

 Definitely highly impressed with him right now.  He’s an excellent kid. 

Joy December 17, 2007

I have an interesting and unique life philosophy (at least, I think it’s pretty unique). It can be summed up by “Life goes much better if you’re excited about everything”. In other words, joy is necessary for life.

I started thinking about the whole joy thing as a result of a conversation with my boyfriend’s roommate (does it make me creepy that I talk to my boyfriend’s roommate? I hope not) and he was talking about how he sometimes finds life lame, which I thought was pretty sad. I think life is just about the best thing ever (for a ton of reasons, more on that later) so he really surprised me. So, I started thinking more about joy and I actually ended up learning quite a lot about it, which was pretty sweet.

After looking up a couple of definitions and being annoyed at them (“an unsatisfied desire which is in itself more desirable than its satisfaction” and “cheerfulness or calm delight” — definitely not a fan of that second one, one needs only behold a toddler on a beach to realize that that is completely wack) I settled on a quote — “Happiness is feeling good because of what happens to you, joy is delight coming from within you.” You know, Paul talks about in Romans how he’s found the secret of being content/joyful in every situation…it doesn’t matter what’s around you as long as you have God’s joy in your life.

Going along with that, there’s also the verse in Romans that says “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Like I said before, it doesn’t matter what your outside circumstances are, it just matters that you have joy in God. And you have to make sure it IS in God — Psalm 35:9 says “And my soul shall rejoice in the LORD; it shall exult in His salvation.” This verse doesn’t say that “my soul shall rejoice in my significant other” or “in the things I do” or “in my athletic abilities” or “in my grades” or anything like that. It says “in the LORD” — that’s the important part. And one last verse, before I move on to my next roman numeral (this was originally my speech final…whee): Nehemiah 8:10 — “Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” I have to say that I love this verse. It’s definitely one of the more encouraging verses out there. My small point under that verse says that the joy that comes from God gives us strength to face every day in our lives. That is so true! Without the joy that God gives me, I would totally die. I’m having some hard times with my boyfriend at the moment — long-distance relationships are never ideal — and it’s the joy of the LORD that gets me through every day. I’m also reallllly leaning on Him to get through this senior year — I know that I’ve mentioned several times before that I’m just hanging on until I can go off to college. But with His joy, I can have the strength to hang on until that happens.

I decided that I really wanted that kind of joy into my life…so I did a bit of thinking, and a bit of experimenting, and came up with a couple of things that seem to be working so far. Umm…yeah. (It’s hard to take a speech outline and turn it into a journal entry!!) But the hardest thing I ran up against was trying to get it into my head that I am small and God is big. It still hasn’t quite gotten in there correctly, I still act like I’m the biggest thing there is most of the time (which really is a bit of a problem), but at least I’m kind of aware of it. The coolest thing about God being so big is that despite His hugeness, He came and died for us. That’s just cool. Well, not cool…amazing and awesome and unbelievable and………yeah. Speechlessness. It’s pretty amazing.And then my favorite part: be randomly excited about EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. My favorite thing to be excited about is blue sky, it’s so gorgeous especially in the summer…

So, in conclusion, BE JOYFUL!

A Number of Things December 16, 2007

First of all, I’m starting a vlog (video blog); here’s the first of my efforts:

It’s lovely, isn’t it?  I’ll be keeping working on that…hopefully one or two blogs a day.

Actually that’s about it.